Room with a View

As many of you know, we were recently away for two weeks.

Well, two weeks is a long time. Long enough to come back and notice we have a new neighbor. A new neighbor that doesn't even pay rent!

You may be thinking, how nice. A new friend. Sure, a new friend. If you think a flying rat makes a good friend.

We don't. We don't like rats and we don't like rats that fly. (Also known as pigeons.)

But, lo and behold, our neighbor sits. And watches. And sits. And watches. And poops. And sits. And poops some more. Oh, and makes this annoying purring sound. Almost like a dreadful cat would make. (small group peeps- shout out to ya'll! You know the sound I'm talking about!) The flying rat does all that. All. On. Our. Balcony.

But who can blame it (not even going to call it a him or her...just it) for wanting to live in such a great location?! With such a nice view?! (I was going to post a picture of our nice view here, but the last few days have been crummy for view pictures.)

A room with a view. Nice. If you're a HUMAN! And you like using your balcony! I never said I'd rent it out to a flying rat! But, it really wasn't causing too much harm.

Until.....

IT BUILT A NEST!

Little sticks piled up in a nice circle. Ready to, gulp!, lay an egg!? We must get rid of it. Sweep it right off the balcony. So we did. Actually, Thomas did. I was too scared to even step foot on the balcony because of the fact that if I did the flying rat would attack me and start pecking me in the face and clawing at my scalp. Thomas was much better for the job anyway, he has muscles. (yes, you do honey, and they are sexy). Ok, back to the nest. Nest is gone. Nest is destroyed. Not gonna lie, I felt a little bad getting rid of someone's...I mean something's... home, but it needed to be relocated. And soon!

Thought the problem was gone? NOPE! Apparently, flying rats aren't the sharpest bird in the drawer? Our evoked neighbor returned only to, yes, you guessed it, LAY THE EGG!

Seriously, what kind of bird lays an egg on a deck...no nest...no sticks...no protection...no warmth...no nothing. It was just an egg sitting there in the middle of our balcony.

Is this a joke? Did Thomas put some sort of Easter decoration out there? Is he serious?!

Not a joke people. Mommy flying rat came back a couple of times with some twigs for baby flying rat. That's what you call a comfy nest? Idiot.

Well, the egg sits. At least the egg doesn't poop or watch or make that annoying purring sound or lay more eggs.

But I'm not ready for discovery channel on our balcony. At least not right now. So...we must do something about this problem. Yes, bird lovers out there, it is a problem. It's a problem because the thought of a flying rat hatching right in front of my very eyes makes me crinkle up my nose in disgust.

What should we do?